Pretend Time

Dominicans don’t function on real time. It’s fine for the most part, as long as you start factoring 30 minutes-2 hours into whatever you plan on doing.  Really, you should just plan on not having a plan altogether.
 
For example, we needed a few more things for dinner one night, so Matt and Rachel went out with Noky, our contact, to buy them in town.  It should have only taken 10-15 minutes; but instead of going straight to the store, Noky took them to his house, where they all chilled on the couch and drank tea and talked with his family and read books to his nephew and generally had no idea what was going on for 45 minutes.  Then they went to the store, which, as expected, took 10-15 minutes.
 


I once dedicated an entire day to laundry.  Rachel and I hauled the team’s dirty ropas over to Noky’s to use their washer and dryer, only to find out that their electricity wouldn’t be coming on for another hour.  So, as is their custom, we camped out on their porch, drank coffee, and talked to the family.  The power still wasn’t on 2 (or so) hours later, so Noky’s 5-year-old nephew, Daivid, suggested we take their washer to the church, since we had power there.  No big deal.  We just had the Mosaic men come on over and carry the washer down the street, through the “town square”, and into the church.  Where there was no power.  So we washed our clothes by hand.  Inside the washer.  Nice.


 


Pretend Time allowed us to spend about 6 hours (instead of the expected 2-3) in a desolate mountain town with no church presence.  Noky’s initial desire was that we all walk up there (I wore flip flops – who knew it was a hike rather than a casual stroll?) and pray over the town and its abandoned church building.  Since Noky knows everyone on the face of the Dominican Republic, however, we ended up stopping by several homes and, of course, sitting down and eating/drinking rice/beans/coffee/juice.  Three of us met a guy who allowed us to pray for him and his family.  (We ended up running into him 2 more times that day.)  We met another woman named Madera, who had an injured foot and lived alone most of the time.  In spite of her poverty and limited mobility, she offered us bowls of hot arroz y habichuelas and expressed her thankfulness for how God had blessed her.  We prayed for her foot and left, humbled.


 
I’m actually a huge fan of Pretend Time.  The American way of rushing from one thing to another, always pressed for time and focusing on what’s ahead, is exhausting.  It minimizes the present, adding pressure to you or the people you’re with to wrap it up as soon as possible so they won’t keep you from anything important.  It’s different here.  Relationships, the present, the situation at hand – those are given priority over the next thing.  Enjoy where you are.  It’s okay.  Be thankful for this moment.  Don’t worry about the next one before it’s time.


 
That’s something else I’ve noticed.  All the believers here are so thankful.  Their prayers are full of fervent praise and thanksgiving for everything God has done for them.  Those with injuries and barely a bowl of rice and beans to their name live and breathe a spirit of thanksgiving, a spirit of worship, the Spirit of God.  God gave them a life to live, and they don’t take it for granted.

Don't Flush the Yellow Toilet Paper

Hola, y Dio te bendiga!  We’ve been in the beautiful, hot, mountainous Dominican Republic since Friday, the 13^th.  Thankfully, the day’s events didn’t correspond with superstition, and we had a nice and smooth travel day.  From our hike from the church where we stayed during Launch to the bus station at 6am, to the train, to the shuttle, to the airport, it was an exhausting but great day.


 
Team Mosaic’s ministry site is at a church in Arroyo Cano, Dominican Republic, where roosters crow all day (and night) long, natives never get “peopled out”, used toilet paper lives in the trash, running water is available “sometimes”, and coffee plants abound.  We set up our sleeping bags on benches in the sanctuary so the rats can’t kill us, and we flush the toilet, take “showers”, and wash dishes via buckets of water.  Oh, and they’re celebrating the Festival of the Saints from the 14^th to the 22^nd, so there’s been loud music playing outside everyday until about 2am.  Thank God for earplugs.  So it’s different… but in a sort of simple, hilarious, “I can’t believe this is actually my life” kind of way.



Everyone here speaks Spanish (and very little English), so we’ve relied on our fabulous, Spanish-speaking team leader, Rachel, to translate.  We cluster around her during each church service or do our best to pick out the handful of palabras de español we happen to know.  The church body is small but unbelievably friendly, and few of them leave without a handshake or a hug.  Each time we visit someone’s house, they offer us a place to sit and something to eat or drink.  To them, everyone is family.



Our ministry “jobs” here are still sort of in the works, but we expect to be helping out at the Compassion International base next to our church in Arroyo Cano and the one in Desarrollo.  We’ll also be visiting and building relationships with families, doing Bible studies with the church pastor, and preaching (eek!) in another village.



That being said, we haven’t done much since we’ve been here.  Except for the one time we ate lunch and drank fresh, homegrown coffee at our ministry host’s house, or when we hung out with un hermano de iglesia, Jesús, and picked oranges from his orange field.  We also drove into Desarrollo to hang out with the Compassion International kids and ate ice cream with our host.  (Side story:  It’s really hard for people here to say my name.  Most people here go by more than one name, so we joked that my “other name” should be Ashley.  The Compassion kids called me that for the rest of the afternoon.)  And we hang out with todos los niños, who are constantly screaming, “americanos!  Mira, americanos!” as they run around the church or peek in our windows.  Overall, it’s been pretty neat.




 
Thanks for the continued prayers and encouragement!  Please keep praying as we learn to get into the swing of things and as a few of us have been feeling a little icky the last couple of days.  Muchas gracias!
 

 

30, Flirty, and... Unhinged

I leave for the World Race in 30 days. 

THIRTY DAYS.

I feel like I'm going to be stuck in a perpetual cycle of crazy until the day I leave.

January 9th:  End of Pretend Crazy.  Beginning of Actual Crazy.

My mind is constantly spinning with things I still need to get done before I take off.  And I feel like I can never get on top of anything.

I'm leaving in 30 days and I need to break in these Tevas and where can I find packing cubes and I don't have enough dinosaur thank you cards.

And I need to be nicer to my family and spend time with Jesus and stop saying cuss words in my head and reflect on how the world isn't about to end and how hundreds of people have done this before.

Huh.

But then I think more, and I feel I've become this icky person that I don't really want to bring on the World Race.  You know, that mission trip thingy where you're supposed to be selfless and sacrificial and love Jesus and other people more than your own self.  

 

I mean, it's not like anyone really wants to wake up to this teammate every morning.

I think I've determined that my icky self comes out more when I'm at home.  Not because I don't love my family, but because I know they're not going anywhere.  I can be snarky and obnoxious and feel entitled to that last bowl of chicken chili because, at the end of the day, I know they'll still love me.  This is unfortunate, because while I've often felt like I (and everyone) was meant to be a missionary in my own home, I think I need someone to be a missionary to me.

It's a good thing Jesus ran around with crazies.  Because I sure don't expect to step into every country and be the super awesome white American Christian who can tell all the natives how to get it together.  And it's also a good thing He shows a lot of grace, because it's something I need a lot.  And something I need to learn how to do better.

Sometimes, when I want a brutal spiritual punch in the face, I read My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers.  It calls you out on your crap and tells you how to be more like Jesus.  And that's awesome.  Anyway, here is a line from "The Opposition of the Natural" that stuck out to me yesterday:
 

The cost to your natural life is not just one or two things, but everything.  Jesus said, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself. . .” (Matthew 16:24).  That is, he must deny his right to himself, and he must realize who Jesus Christ is before he will bring himself to do it.  Beware of refusing to go to the funeral of your own independence.
 

Jesus, I desire to come after you.

Giving up my other desires is going to be rough.

Not freaking out about what I've left behind is going to be rough.

Living out of my righteous self instead of my icky self...  That is going to be rough.

Please help me.

Thanks.
 

Schmentitlement

On October 23, 2011, I surrendered my rights to many things on the World Race. 
 
Because we’re not entitled to anything. 
 
Because things will most definitely be different from what we expect. 

They told us to give it up.

This is not about you. 

 
So here are a few things on which I’m throwing in that towel… for the next year, at least.  Ha.

 
I give up my right to the same route.
I give up my right to the same teammates.
I give up my right to know all the plans.
I give up my right to have rights.
To be alone…  (eek)
To keep my secrets.
To individualism.
To my personal belongings…
To be right.
To (try to) be prettier, smarter, cooler, or more spiritual than you.
To have 1,000 comments per blog post (although that would be super awesome).
To (try to) deal with my crazy on my own.
To find a husband on the World Race.
To a civilized toilet.
To a civilized sleeping arrangement.
To civilization.
To a daily cup of coffee.
To be comfortable.
To share my negative opinions about others, with others.
To base my worth and identity on your opinions of me.
To sit on the sidelines (most of the time…).
To remain the same.

America Racers

You don’t have to be a World Racer to make a difference.  To share Jesus.  To love strangers.  To pray over people you just met.  To buy a drink for everyone in Starbucks, just because.  You don’t have to be an overseas missionary-in-training to prophesy Truth over ears that are aching to hear it, hearts that are struggling to believe it.  You don’t have to be on a post-camp high to be excited about what the Holy Spirit is up to.  Not because it’s required, not because you’d have guilt feelings otherwise, but because you’ve been invited to be a part of the story.   And you know there’s nothing better.
 
These are the America Racers.  They are the Dinahs, Mikes, Bryans, and Lawrences of obscure Bible colleges, who drive all the way from California to Indiana to share Jesus with people who have no clue and remind those who forgot they did.  These are the ones who introduce themselves to three twenty-something females who are simply minding their own business, and ask how they can pray for them.  They don’t care about feeling awkward or sounding ridiculous because they care about the gospel of God more than their own selves.  They’ll ask you about your relationship with God, not because they want to compare yours with theirs, but because they want to speak fullness into where it is lacking.  They’ll bring up Bible verses you just read, not because they’re trying to show off, but because… oh, yeah, you’ve already heard them three times in the last three days, and maybe, just maybe, God is trying to make a point.  They'll make you marvel at how a relationship with Him was never meant to be complicated, because it's really just  about loving Him and loving people.  They'll give you a glimpse of how life would look if we all actually did that.  They’ll talk about the Lord  like they know Him, because… well, they do.  He is their Father.  Their Counselor.  Their Savior.  Their Best Friend. 

And, at the end of the day, you won't really be surprised, because you'll remember that this is what people who love Jesus do.
 
An encounter with them will change you forever, because it must be a lot like encountering Jesus Himself.



Ever met someone(s) like this?  Tell us about it!

Belonging

I keep wanting to write a post about Training Camp.  But, for whatever reason (and there are a few), I just can't get around to it.  It was great, and horrible, and long, and restless, and beautiful, and eye-opening, and cold, and awesome.  I learned and experienced and was.  And now I'm back, and I can't believe that in only 2 short months, I'll be seeing those crazies again.  And we'll be doing it for real.  Weird.

So, instead of posting my own blog about it, for now I'll just direct you to those of a few squadmates, because they're pretty neat.  Hit the nail right on the head.

Justin Orr:  "Puff, Puss, Pass!"
Leah Malone:  "These World Race People are CRAZY."  (That picture of the tent village?  I took that.)
Suzanne Bradford:  "So how was training camp?"

On a mostly different note, I'll be packing up all my belongings and heading home to Oklahoma this week.  I have a lot of feelings about that, and many of them are nice.  But it's going to be hard.  I've moved a few times over the past couple of years, and eventually I've begun to feel like I could live everywhere because I don't belong anywhere.  For long, anyway.  My frustration about this culminated in a prayer... partially inspired by the lyrics to Switchfoot's "Where I Belong":

"Until I die, I’ll sing these songs
On the shores of Babylon
Still looking for a home
In a world where I belong"
 

God, where is home for me these days?  I can see myself right now, standing on the shores of a land that isn’t my own.  This isn’t my home, this strange place where the people I trust the most prove unworthy, where the love void never finds its fullness, where too much is never enough.  Where the line between love and codependency remains ambiguous, where the battle between perfection and reality rages, and the perfection to which we were called remains unattainable in our own power. 
 
I don’t feel at home here, always in transition, floating, wandering, a nomad, never finding a place to land.  I drag the memories, the failures, the emptiness behind me.  You never really do start over.
 
Where do I belong? 
 
Eternity is written on my heart.  I was not made for this place, where nothing ever lasts.  We were not meant for goodbyes.  Facing the end of good things, those things that remind us of the greatness to come, those tastes of heaven.  The world is rigged.  We are deceived, expecting all that is beautiful here to be it, the point of arrival.  And surprised each time it isn’t.
 
We have that hunger for a world beyond ourselves, that place where all that we long for is just a little more present.  The kingdom.  Exposure.  Truth.  Life.  Standing on our own two feet, naked, without judgment.  Without fear. 
 
Yes, we all have crap.  But “God likes it that way, because live things poop.”  ‘Dump it here,’ He says.  ‘Lie exposed, all of you.’  Maybe that’s what belonging feels like.  Maybe that’s what home is supposed to be.


Do you ever struggle to feel like you belong somewhere?  What do you do about it?

Meet Team Mosaic!

Well, Training Camp for all three January 2012 sqads is officially over.  It was a tough, emotional, but incredible week.  I'm excited to announce the people with whom I will be spending the first several months of my World Race journey:  Suzanne Bradford, Rebekah Clark, Matt Blair, Rachel Williams, and Tyler Hamilton!  

One of my fellow Mosaic teammates, Tyler, wrote a blog about some of our first experiences as a team.  Here it is (with a few changes).  Enjoy!

Preparation and Pain

After C Squad split into our amazing groups, we felt the Holy Spirit pulling on our hearts to share and spend time with somebody outside of camp when we went to go bond and eat dinner. The Lord has brought a lot of new passion and vision into our lives during this long but energy-filled week. The stories of our lives are no longer just individual experiences but now have intertwined into an experience of a life time that we will live for the next 11 months, starting in January. Our group's new name was a very important part of creating our new team's identity, and we all wanted a name that would reflect each of our hearts passion for this adventure and individually combine our recent changes that we have felt. So after about an hour of discussion and brainstorming, after the bathroom I come back to the table to hear a very loud and enthusiastic "MOSAIC!!!" This was a new and creative name that we felt encompassed all of our ideals and feelings the Spirit had shown us. 

Our new group traveled outside of our camp on Friday because we felt the spirit moving in our hearts to go spend time with our new group and share the love that we have been blessed with to another child of God. After settling for a delicious scoop of ice cream, we sat down with our new groups and bonded for about two hours. Before leaving, we decided to ask for directions to the closet southern BBQ restaurant. The manager at the ice cream shop, Chris, was more the willing to show us to his family's favorite place to grub. Chris is 22 and living at home with his family to take care of his sick father. For the past couple years, Chris has struggled with bills, family, and the place in his life where he felt God was leading him to. We felt the pain in his heart and the challenges he has been facing day by day. So we told him where we were from and what God was doing in our lives through this World Race mission. "God wants you and will place you where he plans if you are willing," I said to Chris through the small service window at the ice cream shop. Chris was a huge encouragement  to me because our stories related so well together. We prayed a Spirit-filled prayer with Chris, asking him to trust and challenge God for him to look into something like to World Race. This experience has warmed my heart and provided me with a beginning look at what God has in store for us in the next 11 months!!!  God is LOVE!!!