This Was My Favorite Blog to Write (Part 1: I Don't Know)

Why?
 
Because I love asking for things.  I love needing people to do things for me.  I love not being a capable woman.
 
I couldn’t be more stoked about telling you that I still need $2,176 to stay on the World Race.
 
No, but seriously.
 
These last four months have been many things real life.  I have slept, eaten, worked, relaxed, laughed, cried, resolved conflict, made great friends, and drunk obscene amounts of coffee.  Really, so much of the World Race thus far has felt pretty… normal. 

I mean, of course some things are different.  I wear the same clothes all the time, am never physically alone, spend significant amounts of time talking about food and bowel movements, and do a lot of country hopping.  I’ve learned a few things here and there, like how not to gossip or hold grudges or feel entitled to anything.  I’ve heard God’s voice every now and then, still and small in my mind; in Scripture; and in the waves crashing onto a Haitian shoreline.  My vocabulary includes a whole new set of frequently-used words and phrases, like walking in freedom and don’t have any expectations and offenses and preference.  And I’m slowly learning what each of those things mean and look like in my own life.  But, as I look at what I’ve done and who I’ve become over the course of my World Race (“pretend”) life, I feel like I haven’t changed all that much. 
I want to tell you that I’m drastically different – that I’ve learned how to hear the voice of God loud and clear, fed 700 babies, led someone to salvation, become completely secure in my identity in Christ… all those magical things at the pinnacle of missionaryism that people dream the World Race will do for them.  And, honestly, I feel like a lot of supporters expect to hear those kinds of things.  Instead, though, I find myself resounding more with Henri Nouwen in Reaching Out:
 
When after many years of adult life I ask myself, “Where am I as a Christian?” there are just as many reasons for pessimism as for optimism.  Many of the real struggles of twenty years ago are still very much alive.  I am still searching for inner peace, for creative relationships with others and for the experience of God, and neither I nor anyone else has any way of knowing if the small psychological changes during the past years have made me a more or less spiritual man.
 
So that’s where I am.  
 
I’m a confused, tired, but certainly hopeful World Racer who is staying I still need you.
 
I need you so that I can keep trying to figure this whole thing out.  So I can learn how to love people better and find God in both the ordinary and extraordinary and learn what it means to walk in the Spirit and let Jesus navigate me through crazy land.
 
I need you because, really, it’s not about me.  So I can go serve the servants and measure lots of bricks and pray with families who don’t speak my language and teach English to kids who might forget it and cook meals, sweep floors, entertain children, wash dishes, paint walls, lead worship, plant potatoes, pick lice out of my squadmates' hair… and, at the end of the day, maybe not make the biggest difference in the world – but know that those people are probably glad that at least that day ended up being a little better than it could have been without us. 

 

Like I said, I still need to raise $2,176 by July 1^st to stay on the World Race.
 
Would you be willing to be a part of this – by keeping me here?
 
You be the hands; I’ll be the feet.
 
We’ll navigate crazy land with Jesus together.